Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

Beliefs, & Feelings of Adult Survivors

Adult survivors of child sexual assault have many core beliefs and feelings about who they are that were formed by the atrocities they endured as children. In order to support these people it is important to know what it is they may be feeling and why and of course as always, it is important that they know they are believed.

Common Unhealthy Core Beliefs
Beliefs Affecting Self-Esteem
Beliefs Affecting Guilt/Shame
Common Feelings of Adult Survivors
Common Behaviours of Adult Survivors
Mental Health
Physical Health
Flashbacks

Common Unhealthy Core Beliefs
*I’m not intelligent.
*No one really loves me.
*Everyone seems to know more than me.
*I am inferior.
*I always make mistakes.
*I don’t deserve nice things.
*I can’t do anything right.
*Other people know what’s best for me.

Beliefs Affecting Self-Esteem
*I am worthless and bad.
*No person will care for me without wanting sex.
*I am inferior to other people because I had abnormal experiences.
*I will not be able to live a normal life; the damage is permanent.
*Only bad, worthless guys are interested in me.
*I have already been used so it doesn’t matter if other men use me.
*Anyone who knows what happened to me will not want anything to do with me.

Beliefs Affecting Guilt/Shame
*I must have been responsible for the abuse because it went on for so long.
*I must have permitted sex to happen because I was not forced into it.
*I must have been seductive and provocative when I was young.
*It must be wrong to have felt any pleasure during the sexual abuse

Common Feelings of Adult Survivors
Fear - If I let anyone get close they will see how awful I really am. Everyone who I have loved really hurt me.
Powerlessness - I never knew that I could say no.
Everyone walks all over me...even my kids.
Loneliness - I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I’m different. I played on all the teams at school but I never fit in like everybody else.
Depression - I’ve always felt so alone. I wish I could die. I feel empty inside...nothing but darkness.
Sadness - I never really had a childhood. Before it started I was a really happy, normal kid.
Guilt & Shame - I must have deserved it or it wouldn’t have happened. I don’t want anything to do with myself. I am bad and dirty.
Anger - I feel so outraged. I want to KILL him!

Common Behaviours of Adult Survivors
In relationships:
*Deep lack of trust in anyone
*Boundary issues - not able to say no
*Assuming victim stance in relationships
*Parenting problems
*Relationship problems

Mental Health:
Memory blocks of childhood years
*Recurring depression / suicide attempts
*Feelings completely shut off, shut down, inaccessible
*Disassociation - splitting off from self in stressful situations
*Depersonalization - sees adult self and child self as two separate individuals
*Negative self-image
*Low self-esteem
*Repeated self-sacrifices

Physical Health:
*Recurring medical problems
*Eating disorders
*Sexual dysfunction
*Substance abuse

Flashbacks

Flashbacks are memories of past traumas. During a flashback a survivor may feel like she is re-experiencing the assault at that moment. What is frightening for her is that during a flashback, she feels small, incapable of stopping the assault, and forced to experience it over and over again. She is not in control.
Flashbacks can take many forms, including pictures, sounds, body sensations, feelings or numbness. Sometimes there is just a sense of panic and a feeling of powerless. Some flashbacks happen like a dream, as though the survivor is watching a movie about someone else. No matter how the flashback comes on, the experience is intense, upsetting and often traumatizing. The survivor often feels completely out of control and may fear that she is going insane. She may avoid telling people about the experience because she fears she won’t be believed.
For more detailed information on flashbacks and grounding techniques for handling a flashback click here

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