Dating Violence in Teen Relationships

Teenagers and Abusive Relationships
The social demands of being a teen often "requires" that all young women have boyfriends. Peer pressure can be intense, and the fear of being different or violating peer expectations causes teens to conform. Young men and women, afraid of being labeled "different" may not have the confidence to be themselves. Romantic ideas about love may lead girls to interpret jealousy, possessiveness and abuse as signs of love. "Normal" teenage relationship behaviours often fit stereotyped gender roles. The sexism inherent in these roles makes teenage girls particularly vulnerable to relationship violence.

Stereotyped Gender Roles in Teen Relationships
Teenage girls in a romantic relationship are expected to:
*Be care-takers and responsible for the success of the relationship,
*Be dependent on boys for social success because popularity is dependent on a girl being in a relationship.
*Give their boyfriends attention on demand (including sexual demands),
*Give up activities, talents & other relationships, and give priority to the boyfriend and the relationship.

Teenage boys in a romantic relationship are:
*Expected to be sexually aggressive,
*Encouraged to make decisions in the relationship.

Alienation from Adults
As teens struggle for their independence, conflicts with adults make it difficult for teens to seek relationship help from adults. Unfortunately, if adults are approached, they may not take the teen’s concerns seriously. Adults may assume that teens are overreacting, acting out, or going through a phase. They may minimize the bonding that takes place in teen relationships and expect them to break up easily and date others. Or, adults may simply not recognize the dangers that can take place in teen relationships.

Adults Helping Teens
To be helpful to a teen in an abusive relationship, adults should be wary of forcing teens to end the relationship. This may make matters worse by creating a power struggle between the adult and the teens. An adult can empower an abused teen by helping them see what is really going on, and by brainstorming options for safety with them. By empowering them to choose their own path, rather than forcing them to choose the "proper" path, an adult can help build strengths in all aspects of their lives. With using this approach, the teen is more likely to choose to resist the present abuse themselves, and will more likely resist future abusive relationships as well.

Adolescent Homosexuals
Young homosexuals are also vulnerable to relationship violence. The confusion about norms and roles that characterize heterosexual adolescent relationships is even more bewildering in teen homosexual relationships. Lack of visible role models or relationships may add to the uncertainty. Adolescents may not be sure about their sexual identity, and conflicts about the acceptability of being gay/lesbian may be acted out in a relationship. Fear of identifying as a homosexual or fear of homophobic responses from parents, peers and others may keep young people from telling anyone about their relationship and therefore from seeking help if the relationship is abusive.

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